Chunky arms and tank tops :)

The best time of the day is when June is waking up, eats, and then is ready to play! She stays happy for about an hour and then she's ready to take another nap but the hour that she's awake is the best! We generally fill that time by changing her diaper, getting dressed, then going in the living room to play. She'll lay on her mat for a while and stare at the toys, and lately she's started to push them around which is super cute to watch. She doesn't quite giggle yet, but she makes some squeaky noises and babbles and smiles a TON. 

Today she looked especially cute! We went over to the Mauldins where Jake was finishing building some stuff for his research project and Peyton came out to hang with her - took her on the swing, got a ride on the lawn mower (haha). It was so cute! And then I could tell she was getting kind of done with it and I put her in the wrap and she instantly fell asleep. She's the sweetest!!! And the cutest!! 

June's first camping trip!

This past weekend we went camping in the mantti la sal national forest! It was a first time for us to go south for camping that wasn't Zion and it was so fun! We were planning to go camping just us, but then Samantha told us her family was already up there so we decided to join them! It was a 2 hour drive that I was pretty hesitant about with June, but it was so worth it!

We hurried and packed everything we would need for tent camping, got some gas, and left. Everything was taking longer than I wanted it to and at one point I said, "Let's just forget it and go home." Haha I was so annoyed because we were going to get there and it was going to be dark already and June was going to be ready for bed. But in the end, the drive was just fine and she was pretty happy staring at the fire when we got there.

Camping with Sam's family is always so much fun! Sarah and Rachel make the best food and their kids are crazy and fun. Especially Gigi! Last October when we went camping with them, she was SO scared of Jake. Every time she looked at him, she would cry. And then this trip she was obsessed with him, it was the cutest thing! It started when she woke up and he was grabbing me some diapers out of the diaper bag. He was sitting on the floor and she got out of bed, still sleepy, and thought he was Cam. She gave him a side hug and said, "good morning daddy!" It was so sweet to watch, and she didn't even freak out when we told her that it was Jake, she just laughed. The rest of the time she was moving her camp chair to be next to his, she was holding his hand, showing him all her cool moves and things she was making in the sand. She kept asking him to lay in the hammock with her. At one point Cam said, "So this is what it's like for your daughter to get taken away from you." It was the sweetest to watch, I can't wait for June to be like that!

That night, after making s'mores and hanging with Wic and Sam, we were lucky enough to sleep in Cam and Rachel's trailer! It's probably a full sized bed that we all snuggled up in (they offered to have Jake sleep right across the way in another bed so we could have more room but of course we all wanted to try to sleep on the bed together). It was pretty cold that night so it worked out pretty well, other than when I realized June was asleep . . . I had to pee SO BAD. I risked it and got up to use the bathroom and then got back in bed. Jake and I may not have slept very well that night, but June barely made a peep! I was so relieved she didn't wake up Rachel's kids. June's a trooper... in reality, as long as she's snuggled up, she's good to go.

Sunday morning we woke up and Adam and Sarah made breakfast burritos. We had brought some of our eggs and then Adam brought sage flavored sausage and it was amazing! We are so grateful they are willing to share with us, because all we contributed was a dozen eggs and some pineapple.

During the day on Sunday, we went to the Dinosaur Quarry which was about an hour away. It was on Jake's Utah Bucket List and I'm so glad we got that out of the way... because honestly, it was LAME! You have to pay to do one of the hikes and you're literally walking in a hot, flat desert with no view. It's still an active excavation site but you don't really know what you're looking at if you do find something that looks like a fossil. I would've rather sweat my butt off doing a killer hike with a nice view, but at least June and I got some sun! Trying to make sure she gets enough Vitamin D!

That night for dinner, we had the best dutch oven lasagna and bread that Sarah made. Seriously, they don't mess around with camp food! We all sat by the fire and enjoyed chatting with everyone. I fed June and then I could tell she was getting tired again so we needed to make a run for it. We said bye to everyone and headed back. That drive was rough -- I think June had just been in the car too much that day and she wanted to be snuggled. When we got home, we all showered and there was literally dirt running off our legs. We were all so sick! So we got clean and then slept soooo soundly. Our bed felt like it was straight from heaven, and June even slept in her rock n play.

We are so proud of June for sticking it out with us (she has no choice but...) She didn't seem bothered at all by the cold, the smoke from the fire, sleeping in a full sized bed with both her parents, or even the hot sun. We love this girl and hope she always stays that tough!

Laughing at the fire 

Rookie Mom Move... I underestimated how cold it was going to be and didn't bring her a jacket, hat, or socks. So we had her wrapped all weekend when it was chilly out. Luckily she didn't mind too much! 

Hal and Gigi.... oh those kids! They're cute! 

You can see the lovely scenery in the background... 

RODNEY ATKINS!

June went to her first concert this weekend! And she seriously did great, I was so impressed with her. Earlier in the day, I went to get her some noise cancelling headphones from Dick's and they were seriously so cute on her. They squished her cheeks a little bit and made them look even chunkier. We went with the Mauldins and Anna and Ruth. She was just hanging out on Anna's lap for a little bit and then I could tell she was getting tired so I put her in the carrier and she fell asleep almost instantly. Sleeping with her little headphones on was the cutest thing I've EVER seen!

She woke up and I changed her diaper then she nursed and fell asleep again. I was so worried the loud music was going to bother her too much but she didn't seem bothered by it at all. What a relief.

And Rodney Atkins was great!! He's had some really good singles over the years and it was super fun to hear them in person. The feel of the scera shell is really fun too because there's not too many people, it's cool outside, and you can either sit on a blanket or chair and be super comfortable. I would definitely go to a concert there again!

Check the last picture for June's little "rock on" hand sign. ;)

The first time . . .

The first time I thought I was a bad mom, June was almost two weeks old. All my family had left and it was just me and Jake with our girl! It was Sunday, but we were still staying home from church because she was so tiny and I was a hot mess. Emphasis on the MESS.

Everything was going well, until it wasn't... And I don't mean to sound dramatic, but June would. not. stop. crying. And this was really unlike her. She was really easy to soothe, loved to eat, and loved to sleep. She cried and cried and cried, and I could tell she was feeling uncomfortable. I know early in baby's lives their stomachs are figuring out how to work, but I was worried that I was eating something that was upsetting her or that she might be allergic to something.

I remember I was in my striped milkmaid goods dress that I don't even want to look at anymore - it was most likely covered in spit up, breast milk, and poop. I wore it because it doesn't show my figure at all and it has three buttons that allowed it to open low enough so I could nurse freely. I was sitting on the couch and I just started crying because she was crying and I couldn't get her to stop. I was mostly crying because I felt like she was hurting and I didn't want her to be.

Jake didn't really know what to do. He had never really seen me cry and he was asking what he could do. I told him we should call the pediatrician nurse line to see what we could give her to make her feel a little better.

Jake called because I was literally just sobbing (funny now... not at the time haha) and the nurse asked if her stomach felt tight. It did. Then she asked what I had been eating... She told him I should be staying away from chocolate, dark greens, caffeine, etc. ALL THE THINGS I HAD BEEN EATING. I know now that's not what it was because I can eat those now and feel just fine, but when he told me that, I felt so bad for her. I felt like I was the one who made her feel so sick. It really was just gas.

Jake went to the store to get gripe water and I stayed at home and laid in bed with June. When he left, she calmed down a little bit but tears were still streaming down my face! He finally came back and we gave her a little bit of the gripe water, even though I was pretty reluctant because she was under 2 weeks and I had read some horror stories. But she took it like a champ and she immediately went to the bathroom and then was able to go to sleep - it was amazing and I felt so much relief.

But seriously . . . the feeling was overwhelming. I felt sad and angry . . . I was so ridiculously emotional which I know is very common that soon after having a baby but it wasn't normal for me or for Jake. Having a baby is out of this world. I feel so connected to June and I truly feel everything she feels. I'm still learning the ropes and I know I'm not a bad mom, but that day it was so hard not to feel like it.

I'll always remember the craziness of that Sunday and the overwhelming feelings I think we all felt. Postpartum emotions are no joke. I'm so glad I'm a* *little* less emotional now, even though I still love June with every fiber of my freaking being!

Labor and delivery thoughts

I have always wanted a natural birth. For some reason, when I thought of delivering a baby, I knew that I would attempt it unmedicated. So many women before me have done it, and many without the help of a medical professional. But more importantly, I wanted to feel what my body was meant to do. I wanted to begin labor naturally, I wanted to feel the ins and outs of contractions, I wanted to sweat, I wanted to cry, and I wanted to feel my baby come out.

Of course that's not the way it happened for me, but I still believe the process is so important . . . or at least it is to me. I did get to go into labor naturally - slowly but surely, enjoying the process with Jake, taking walks and bouncing on the ball. We chose when we wanted to go to the hospital and we were both feeling great(ish) and confident with the way everything was going.

I understood what my body was doing. . . and I was so proud. It took a long, long time for my body to dilate to 10 centimeters (which is extremely common for first births) but it did it! With a little help of pitocin, I did it! And then I pushed. And I pushed. And I moved around some, and pushed some more. And that's when, after three hours, I had to ask about the other options I knew were available to me.

***

Over the past year, I've become pretty opinionated on birthing options. I've learned a lot about our options regarding birth, and I've also learned a lot about why so many people think birth is scary. Partly because movies and TV shows portray women screaming and crying out for help, and also partly because their mothers and grandmothers had subpar experiences and when they share their birth stories with their daughters, it makes them even more afraid.

I've been told some pretty horrific birth stories. When I told people I wanted to go natural (which I didn't tell many people) they would say, "You're definitely going to want the epidural." Or their responses would be generally negative. Of course there were family members that were 100% supportive of going natural, but overall, people's thoughts on birth and labor are: Get the epidural.

Getting the epidural is not the problem. I think it's a great tool to have. The problem is that there are many unnecessary deaths, and unnecessary c-sections in the U.S that are caused by unnecessary inductions and medications. I started learning about this a couple years ago when I wrote a paper on maternal mortality rate. About 32% of all births are c-sections, and our maternal mortality rate is 26 deaths per 100,000 live births. That's ridiculous. The worst in the developed world with all the medicine we have? It doesn't make sense.

What does that have to do with my wanting to go natural? It's because there's a vicious cycle within the whole getting induced or getting an epidural thing.

Induction --> Epidural --> Pitocin --> Baby's heart rate drops and becomes worrisome --> C-section. Doctors are encouraging women to get induced, to get the epidural, to get pitocin . . . But what a lot of women don't realize is that a lot of these conditions aren't optimal for baby. And most of all, I feel like women don't trust their body . . . Our bodies know how to get the baby out! Our bodies know what to do!

But would any of that have happened without the induction, without the epidural, or without the pitocin? Probably not.  Of course I can recognize this isn't always how it happens, but I didn't want this to happen to me.

On top of that reasoning, I wanted to feel the intensity of contractions. I wanted to feel my body work. I wanted to know that my body could do what it was made to do. I trust my body to begin laboring on its own, I trust my body to contract and move the baby down, and mostly, I trust my baby to get where she needs to go! Being told when and how to birth wasn't what felt right to me.

I wanted an unmedicated birth so badly, and I did everything I could to try and get that to happen, but for some reason it wasn't meant to be. So I am grateful - so, so grateful - for doctors, that can get our babies out in minutes. I'm grateful for the care I received during my labor, and for the lengths I was able to go to get that baby here.

But mostly I wish people would respect the process of labor and birth. I wish more women knew that birth isn't scary, and that we have more options than getting an epidural and laying on our back to push a baby out. I wish people respected their bodies and their capabilities. I wish doctors encouraged more women to try out the natural route.

***

I'll admit, I sometimes, 10 weeks later, feel angry that June's birth didn't go the way I wanted it to. They told me my pelvis might be too small, but how can that be?! I want this SO badly! I feel angry that other women, who on the outside seem not to respect the process, get to have a vaginal delivery. 

But then I feel grateful again, that I got to grow a baby, and she's healthy, and she's here with us. 

I'm grateful for the process - and I trust the process. And I'll try again. 

Good article about U.S. maternal mortality rate here: https://www.npr.org/2017/05/12/527806002/focus-on-infants-during-childbirth-leaves-u-s-moms-in-danger. 

Life Lately

Is it possible for a 2 month old to be a Mama's girl? Or is that just how ALL 2 month olds are? I feel like every time I try to give her to someone, she just cries until she is back with me. She doesn't so much do this with Jake, but any of my friends that want to hold her, she does. It's something that's very endearing for me, but it's also not the easiest thing to deal with! I want my friends to be able to love on her and I don't want her to be a spoiled mama's girl as she gets to be older... But for now, it's fine with me.

June's not the best at helping with collecting eggs, but she sure is a cute tagalong. This day was pretty warm outside, but under the shade, it's so much cooler. She was pretty fussy and then I laid her on the blanket and she immediately started cheering up and smiling. I texted my next door neighbor to come out and hang with us since it was so nice out. This is June compared to her baby boy who is 5 months old. June is a TALL girl!

I love the days  June and I can just relax together. I admit, we sleep in until 10 am WAY too often, but other day we are pretty productive. I'm just so happy she is a happy, easy going baby who loves being outside as long as she doesn't get too hot. And we are loving this Utah weather.

I love that I grew this girl and I can now force her to be my best friend. ;)

Our trip to Texas

Texas was really fun! June and I went for a week, but Jake had to stay home to do school and work which was lame. But thankfully she did GREAT on the plane. She slept the whole time. I'm pretty sure it's because planes have a natural white noise, so it was amazing.

When we got there, everyone was so excited to cuddle her and see how big she has gotten . . . which is pretty big. This girl is gaining and growing by the MINUTE!

The trip was spent visiting people who hadn't met her yet, eating Anamia's (three times), and shopping. Some people had given us some money to take June on a shopping spree so OF COURSE we did. Lisette and I loved shopping for her at Target and got her some of the cutest outfits.

The weather was pretty hot and we could tell pretty fast that June HATED the heat. She would get sweaty and so fussy and I would try to cool her down real quick. When it was cooler in the evenings, we spent some time laying down on the outdoor blanket. It was nice when it was breezy outside.

It's always nice (and sometimes stressful) to have extra hands with June. So many people wanted to snuggle her, but her mama wants to snuggle her too! It's difficult trying to find a balance and tell people, "I'm gonna hold her for a bit and then you can have her." Haha maybe I'm just obsessed with holding my baby and making sure she's happy. Oh I hope I'm not a coddler when she's older!

Another fun part of our trip was seeing Beth and her kids! They were so excited to love on June, giving her kisses on her forehead and holding her. We all jumped on the trampoline and ate dinner together. Lisette came too and I was so glad June was an angel baby. She dealt with all the little kids smooching her and wanting to touch her really well. When Lucy was holding her, June did a huge toot and everyone was laughing SO hard! We love those kids! I especially loved when I got June in her car seat to leave and Lucy got down really close to her and gave her a kiss.

Another cute moment was when Lucy was helping me change her diaper. We were finishing up and Lucy wanted to snap the buttons together on her onesie. She got the middle one just fine but was having trouble with the last one. June started to cry and Lucy said, "Oh shhh baby" and then went back to work to get it shut. She's so sweet!

The big event that we went down for in the first place was Carli's graduation! We made the drive early Saturday morning. On the way there, we had to stop to feed June but then she fell asleep and did great. On the way back, she slept the whole time (mainly because it was bedtime). The whole week I was so unsettled about having such a ridiculous schedule for June, so I'm excited to be back hoe and get her back on a schedule. Anyway, Carli was so excited to finally meet June. It was so fun to introduce my childhood best friend to my sweet baby.

It was pretty hard though when we went to lunch for Carli at Perini's Steakhouse. It was outside and June was really struggling with the heat. My mom heart was so sad, I just wanted her in the A/C! My mom ended up taking her clothes off and putting some water on her head and back and you could tell she started to feel better and she got a little happier. Noted, though . . . Baby hates the heat!

It was fun to see my mom, of course, and everyone else! They are all so in love with June. Here are some cute pictures from the week...

Nursing outside of graduation 

Sleeping on the plane like an angel 

Thanks to the lady's thumb for this awesome photo, hahaha 

GRANDMA! 

Lisette and June 

A girl who loves to snuggle her mom... 

Cousins!!! :) 

2 Months Old

Our sweet Junebug is 2 months old! We just had her appointment today and she did really well, even when she had to get her first round of shots. I cried. It was pathetic. Luckily I know I'm not the only one who does that. I always told myself I wouldn't be *THAT* mom who cried when the baby got shots, but it's SO MUCH HARDER to watch than you think it'd be. Seriously. That's an extension of yourself . . . a tiny person who relies on you for comfort and love, and then you go and make them get poked with a needle! I felt awful, but I know it's for the best haha. Even this longwinded paragraph is probably dramatic.

But for our two month old girl . . .

WEIGHT: 12 lbs 13 oz - 84.79 percentile
HEIGHT: 24.6 inches - 99.61 percentile
HEAD CIRCUMFERENCE - 15 1/2 inches

Oxygen 98%
Temp 97.8
Heartbeat: 150 bpm
(That's probably a little too detailed haha)

A funny story from Dr. Simmons. He asked, "Remind me, is she breast or formula fed?" I said, "Breast" and he said, "Is she eating well? . . . Obviously she is, never mind." Haha she's definitely going to double her birth weight by 4 months. We love her chunk and find new rolls every day!

After her appointment, we went home and straight cuddled. She nursed and went right to sleep and I didn't even try to put her down because she definitely deserved some cuddles after that. I'm not looking forward to when we go next month for more.

This was pre-shots, probably crying because she was cold. Don't worry, I cuddled her REAL quick after I snapped this picture

Saturdays with June

Warm, sunny Saturdays with June and Jake mean going up the canyon and finding a nice place to hammock! It's definitely become one of our favorite things because we can all cuddle in the hammock, eat in the hammock, and I can nurse June efficiently in the hammock. She gets the "double shake" as the hammock sways back and forth and I pat her little butt.

Big Springs was PACKED on Saturday because it was so nice out and so many people were camping, so we couldn't get in our usual spot. It took us 3 tries to find a spot that worked for us and was shady enough for June. She is a HEATER and starts sweating pretty quickly so being in the shade is a must.

We love spending Saturdays together . . . making guacamole, watching shows, and playing outside. Having a baby makes everything (almost everything, anyway) so much more enjoyable!

Postpartum journey: Learning the ropes of nursing

My milk took forever to come in, and I think part of it was that I didn't hold or touch June until about 8 hours after I gave birth to her. All the research Jake and I did showed the importance of immediate skin to skin, but of course that didn't go to plan!

When they first brought her to me, I don't remember her fussing at all, but I wanted to try and nurse her. They had been giving her pasteurized human milk but I wanted her to get some colostrum. I picked her up, brought her to the boob, and she latched perfectly. I knew the basics from what I had read about breastfeeding, but it was like June had been doing it her whole life. It was seriously amazing and I'm so grateful she has a good latch. My colostrum was great. I would hand express and get some, so I knew she was eating every time she latched which was nice and a relief. But my milk took quite a few days to come in, which was frustrating.

On top of my milk taking a while to come in, my nipples hurt pretty badly. She had a great latch, I think it's just that your nipples have to get used to being sucked on pretty hard. Obviously. Anyone who tells you nursing isn't supposed to hurt . . . well, it does at first, even if your baby's latch is just right. So it's okay if your nipples hurt. Keep going, because it finally gets better.

Every time she latched, which I would let her any time she showed any hunger cues, I would seriously want to cry. I got some Lanolin and also Newman's Ointment and was using them both religiously. Everyone told me to keep going and that it would get easier. I'm so glad I listened to them, but I definitely understand why someone would give up without support from others.

I remember being relieved every time I finished nursing her and thanking the heavens that I wouldn't have to for another 2 hours or so. It hurt so, so bad. I knew time would heal them, I just wanted it to go a little faster. On my right boob, I had a cracked nipple. I noticed it in the shower - it was red and scary. I told Jake to come over to me and check it out and he agreed it looked cracked. We were both scared because so many people had told us stories about people's nipples COMING OFF from breastfeeding! Haha to let it heal, I only latched her on my left side and would pump my left side. It was definitely harder and more time consuming, but it got better within 48 hours. I bear testimony of Newman's Ointment. 

For the first couple of days after we got home, we nursed all day whenever she wanted to build my supply in the coming weeks, but we topped her off with formula in the evenings. It kind of sucked but you gotta do what you gotta do. Every time I topped her off with formula, I would pump so my body would know she wasn't full. Almost always, she downed the formula so I'm glad we did it so I knew she was getting what she needed.

At her first check up at the pediatrician, she hadn't gained all her weight back (obviously). It was when she was 6 days old, but she was getting there. He told me, "Just keep feeding her. She'll get there." Ah, I'm so glad he is so nice and supportive of nursing. At her two week appointment, I was PRAYING she was past her birth weight. It was seriously stressing me out because at that point, we were strictly nursing. I put her on the scale and she was 9 lbs 1 oz! Oh thank heavens! Seriously I was thanking the Lord and my boobs. Hahaha. My milk was working! (Now she is 12 pounds even at 6 weeks and 3 days old. Chubby monkey just how we like it!)

Getting into the third week of nursing was when things started to heal and feel a little better. I started to feel more confident with nursing and we figured out a good night time routine with waking up and going back to sleep. I didn't have to use Newman's Ointment nearly as much and I overall just was starting to feel happier with nursing!

I think getting past the first 2-3 weeks is the most important part. It's a struggle . . . I cried SO much . . . But it's so worth it now. I've finally regulated and my boobs are soft throughout the day which is super encouraging. She's been sleeping 6-8 hour stretches so during that, I try to get up and pump. Sometimes (the past few nights...) I've been waking up and turning off my alarm IN MY SLEEP and waking up so freaking engorged! But other than that, I really haven't been too engorged which has been great. She's still nursing so well but as she gets older, she has started to play with my nipple more. Haha she will literally just lay there and lick it, or put it in her mouth and take it out. I can't help but laugh (and sometimes say OWWW) because it's so cute. I'm sure it won't be that cute when she's got teeth, but for now it is.

Overall I'm just grateful for the people around me who have supported our nursing "journey" and for the people who told me to keep going and that it would get better! I'm so glad I have some people that I can relate to and talk about nursing with (especially Jake's cousin Monica). And mostly I'm just grateful that my body is working. For the first few days, I had serious thoughts that for some reason breastfeeding wasn't going to work out and I was so sad. When starting a nursing journey, my only advice would be to get through that day and keep going, don't try to think about the weeks ahead. Day by day as you get through it, it will stop hurting and your body will make the milk your baby needs.

Push "Continue Reading" for some super cute nursing pictures (but they may show a little boob).

Hammocking with June

The week in between winter semester and spring semester was so nice. Jake was at home with us and we just got to cuddle and play with June all day long. One of the days, we went up to Big Springs where we've camped before and found a place to hang the hammock. We got in, I nursed June, and we had the best time because it was so warm and sunny. June pretty much slept the whole time, probably feeling so spoiled getting held for two of her naps!

We are so happy summer is here!

Family Pictures 2018

This weekend Olivia was able to take some family pictures for us and I LOVE how they turned out, even if June screamed the whole time! Ha the weather has been so unpredictable lately - 80 and sunny one day, then cloudy and 60 the next day. Unfortunately it was cloudy and in the 60s and June did not like the wind or the cold at all. We unwrapped her, snapped a couple pictures, then wrapped her back up. But she would only be happy in the blanket and with a little shake of her butt, so we took a lot of pictures with her in the blanket, too.

Either way, I'll love these photos forever! 7 weeks with June, and we're all starting to feel normal and in a regular groove thank goodness!