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| photos taken by @lizzyjeanphotography |
Holy cow . . . Labor. Birth. Postpartum. Nursing. So much I want to say, so little time to sit down and write down my thoughts.
Let's start with the labor, and hopefully I can make it to the delivery without shedding too many tears!
Jake's mom got us a one night stay at a bed and breakfast in downtown Provo. We were so excited, especially because we were *hoping* it was our last weekend as just us! Friday night we checked into the hotel with some Maglebys chocolate cake and some spicy chinese food. There was a HUGE tub in the bathroom which was so nice. We got it pretty hot and used a lavender bath bomb and it was heavenly. Then we watched The Devil Wears Prada and went to sleep. It was so stinking relaxing. That next morning, I lost some of my mucous plug and had a little bloody show (I feel like these are only terms that you find out about when you are pregnant. . .) I was super excited and decided to just hang out in the bath and tried not to think too much of it. Some women lose their mucous plug and don't go into labor for days (and even weeks sometimes).
Here is me on the night before I went into early labor (spoiler alert) . . . 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant.
We checked out of the bed and breakfast and went home. It was a super nice Saturday and we were really trying to jumpstart labor as much as we could. I had gotten an exercise ball earlier that week and I was bouncing on it, trying to walk around as much as possible, and mostly trying to enjoy myself.
I had my first contractions that night, but they still felt like they could be braxton hicks contractions. People say, "You'll know when you're having contractions." Well... I didn't really *know*, I just kind of guessed and hoped. Jake was super excited because I was having trouble sleeping that night in between these pains that I still thought were braxton hicks. He had me text my mom and Tracey that contractions had started and to start making their way to Utah if they could. I didn't want to send that text because I know early labor can last for days in some women, but I did anyway in hopes that if they came, the baby would too! So I sent that text around 4 am MST as I was bouncing on the ball. In between these contractions, I was just trying to get some sleep.
Sunday morning comes, and Tracey had been able to get on the first flight out of Cincinnati to Salt Lake! Freaking crazy and awesome. My mom was at the airport in Georgia, flying standby, trying to get on, telling me to hold the baby in. Haha I'm sure everyone was a little stressed. But I had contractions all day Sunday, pretty irregular and not very strong. We just did the same things again -- we tried to get as much sleep as we could, walked around, bounced, ate pineapples, etc. Sunday night we ended up staying at the casita because there was a bath tub and as the night came, my contractions worsened. All Sunday night and into Monday morning I was in and out of the bathtub and shower. I bounced and bounced and bounced and really just tried to get through the contractions without waking up Jake. I wanted one of us to be well rested, and he had school on Monday morning! Luckily he had gotten his TA shifts covered.
Monday finally came. Jake went to school and Tracey and I went to run some errands . . . trying to be distracted from the pain was nice. We got some smoothies and then we went and walked around the neighborhood by the Mauldin's house. I was walking reaaaal slow. The contractions were definitely getting stronger. Jake came back, and we went home to take care of the chickens and ended up being able to fall asleep for a little bit. Then we went to lunch and then walked the Bridal Veil Falls hike super slowly. As we were walking, there were two older ladies coming from the opposite side and one of them asked how far apart my contractions were. I hadn't been timing them and I told her that honestly and then she asked if I was still able to talk through them. Yes, I was! She then asked me if my midwife knew where I was . . . I told her nope. And then she told me that she's a nurse practitioner and that if she was my care provider, she wouldn't be okay with me walking so far from a car. We kind of laughed and then we turned around, but I definitely wanted to keep walking for a while longer.
That evening, we were hanging out at the casita and I felt most comfortable bouncing on the ball. We found out that my mom was able to get on a flight and was landing around 8:45/9 pm. And that was perfect because around 8:30 pm, we decided we should go to the hospital just to see how far along I was. We got there and I was a 4. The nurse checked me pretty violently though and I was bleeding bright red blood so they were wanting to keep me. They still monitored me for a while and I had supposedly progressed to a five. We got checked into our room at 10:30.
I was feeling pretty good at this point and so was Jake. We were excited they wanted to keep me because that baby was coming so soon! They got me an exercise ball and I was just bouncing and eating popsicles and jello and enjoying my time with everyone before everything got too powerful. Tracey immediately got my phone and started playing rainbow relaxation and we were all figuring out our groove together. I was also able to get in and out of the bathtub (30 minutes in, 30 minutes out) and that felt amazing. The water pressure wasn't that great but I could crank up the heat and I felt so good. Getting in and out of the bathtub required help and that's when I learned you really can't worry about what people are seeing - they're gonna see EVERYTHING! Haha everyone was for sure getting a show, but when my nurse told me I could get back in, I was immediately stripping my clothes off.
The baby's heartbeat was great the whole time. My nurse would have to come back in and move the monitors around from time to time because they would fall off, but we were never once worried about the heartbeat which was such a relief.
Around 2:30 am, they wanted to check me again. I was fine with it. They checked me and I was still a 5. But I was still feeling pretty positive at this point because I just knew my water needed to break and then I would progress pretty quickly! The same nurse checked me again at 5 am and I was still a 5. I should also mention how violent again she was with checking me - she literally wiggled her fingers so hard up there I wanted to cry. At that point, Jake just sat on the couch with his head in his hands and cried. We were both so frustrated! I think I cried too but I can't really remember. I just remember looking up at the ceiling feeling so frustrated and almost defeated -- I had been having strong contractions, why wasn't I progressing? The nurse told me we should do pitocin. I was mad at her for even suggesting this because I had specifically told her that was the one thing we didn't want. And right when I was asking her if she could just break my water, my water broke! And it was the wildest thing ever -- the warmest water, ALL over the bed. The violent nurse counted that as spontaneous rupture and let me keep going. Luckily her shift was over at 6 so I didn't have to see her again.
I'm trying to remember what contractions felt like and I honestly don't remember that well. I remember that they were hard and I for sure needed to be coached on my breathing (that helped a ton), but it really was just a lot of pressure. And then your body gives you a break in between and you feel amazing, and then another one comes. I found myself just watching the monitor when I was outside of the water. It's called a tocomoter I'm pretty sure and at first, they were going up to about in the 80s, and then as labor progressed, they were 160+ and holy shiz, yeah they were! Haha contractions are no joke but I truly believe they are manageable if you have some amazing support like Jake, my mom, and Tracey!
After my water broke, I got to a 7 pretty "quickly", but then I got stuck at a 7. I accepted pitocin at this point at only 2 mL/hour and it was manageable. I was also wanting something for the pain, and so they gave me a drug called fentanyl. I'm pretty sure this was straight placebo effect because this drug truly did nothing for the actual contractions but allowed me to sleep in between them where the rest felt actually effective. And I say it was a placebo because the only reason I felt like I got through each hour after hour was because I got another dose of that drug. Other than that, I don't know what the heck it did because the pain was still unreal!
I don't remember much about trying to go from a 7 to a 10. I don't think I was able to get in the shower, so I was just bouncing and bouncing on that exercise ball and also using the peanut ball from time to time on the bed. I finally got to a 10 around 6:30 pm. They told me I could start pushing. Everyone was so excited. "This baby's going to be here so soon!" "20 minutes until this baby's here!" But I knew that wasn't true because I had absolutely zero inclination to push. Beforehand, people who had natural labors told me that you would know when you need to push... And I didn't feel like I needed to at all. My midwife told me that I could just let the baby descend on its own for an hour if I wanted to and I said yes.
What I really was feeling was a lot of pressure from everyone standing around watching me push. I wanted them to leave so I could find a way to get comfortable with pushing. My back was hurting SO MUCH at this point I was doing random spastic moves to try to get the pain to go away. I was hitting the bed and trying not to scream into the pillow. People were rubbing my back and putting washcloths all over me, but that back pain was serious!
I finally found a couple positions I liked, mainly laying over the back side of the bed facing the wall, and then sitting up with the bottom of the bed pushed under so my legs could dangle. About 30 minutes in, I told my midwife she could come back in and I would try. But I was so scared. I said, "Is there any other way this baby can come out?! I'm not pushing." And everyone said, "You're pushing. You can do it. You're already doing it." But holy cow, I didn't realize how scared I was to push!
When Tina came back in, she checked me to see where the baby was at. Stationed at a -1. So frustrating. I pushed for an hour. -1. I pushed for another hour. -1. What the heck was going on?!
At this point it was around 9:30ish and Jake was pretty tired of watching me go through this and he wanted to know what was going on. And I honestly felt like I was just wasting everyone's time (ridiculous, I know). We asked Tina what our other options were and she asked me if I was okay with getting other options. In response to that I asked her, "If I keep pushing, do you think it'll make a difference?" And she said probably not. She said at this point it was probably going to be a forceps birth or a c-section since the baby wasn't moving down at all, but we would need to get a consult from the doctor. We agreed and said that was a good idea, but first, an epidural.
Bart Preston, the nurse anesthetist, came in and got me all prepped for the epidural. He knew what he was doing FOR SURE. He first said, "I did not want to come in here tonight. We are all rooting for you." And I just wanted to cry because that was so nice and I was also so sad that I couldn't get this baby out. And then I just really wanted the pain to go away. He asked me all these questions about family history and what not first and then had me sit up to administer it. It didn't hurt at all, it was just freaky because I had a contraction when he was administering it. They were just telling me to stay still. He got finished pretty fast and then I was able to lay back down.
I thought the pain went away pretty quickly with epidurals, but it took about 10 minutes. Bart told me not to push the button to get more meds yet because it would all kick in a few minutes and he didn't want it to be at full capacity and freak my body out. But holy cow, longest 10 minutes of my life! I remember being so angry that the pain wasn't going away. I think I asked, "Why am I still feeling this contraction?!?!"
I felt it starting to kick in and that's when Dr. Scott Rees came in and he told me what he was going to give me an ultrasound to check that the baby wasn't posterior. I don't remember the ultrasound at all, and then he told me he was going to stick his hand up and feel the baby's head to see what was going on. He told me when I had a contraction, to push. So he stuck his hand up there and of course I didn't have a contraction for what felt like minutes. Luckily I had the epidural so I couldn't really feel what was going on! Haha so they told me I was having a contraction and I could barely feel the pressure and I pushed... Not sure how effective my pushing was because I could barely feel it!
When he was done doing that, he told me that he felt her head completely turned to the right so it wasn't allowing her through the birth canal. And on top of that, she was hitting my pelvis every time I pushed. I asked if he would be able to do a forceps delivery and he said no because she was too high, and that we would need to get the c-section ... or I could keep pushing. *roll my eyes* Kind of manipulative at that point hahah a mom just wants to see her dang baby! So we asked him tons of questions about the c-section and what he thought about my pelvis. He said it might be too small, but we won't know until the next baby. And I said, "Well I'm for sure trying a natural delivery on the next baby!" And he said, "I've never heard a mom about to deliver talk about having her next baby." Hahaha. Oh well, I just want a dang vaginal delivery.
Jake got all dressed for the C-section, I got a spinal, and then I had to drink the SICKEST little drink of my life. It was apparently to help with the acid in my stomach and it was so terrible. Jake was telling me to chug it but I could NOT for the life of me chug it. I would've thrown up all the contents in my stomach which included popsicles and jello, so I sipped it sloooowly. Everyone was telling me to hurry up and just staring at me waiting for me to finish but it was so hard! Haha
When they were wheeling me out of the room I said, "I can't wait to eat McDonald's after this!" And then my nurse was like, "Sorry, you actually have to wait another 24 hours to eat solid food." Oh my gosh! I just laughed. When you get the spinal, it put your bowels to sleep so only clear liquids and popsicles for the next 24 hours again. My mom and Tracey were planning on going to McDonald's but it was fine - I just wanted that baby out!
This is what I looked like when they were wheeling me in.... So embarrassing, but I just have to keep in mind that this is 26 hours after unmedicated labor, in and out of the bath, sweating, crying... Haha funny story about my wonky eye that I want to remember... When we got into the OR, Jake said to the nurse anesthetist Bart, "Hey, her eye is kind of wonky. Is that because of the medicine...?" And Bart said, "Yeah, I didn't want to say anything about it because I don't know her that well." Hahahaha I remember hearing this happening and now looking back, it's SO funny. Obviously my eye was going crazy because of the meds! And I'm so glad it didn't stay like that! Hahahaha
They wheeled me in and Jake was able to come in and they transferred me over to the table and I laid my hands out to the side of me. Dr. Rees wanted to check that the spinal was working so he said, "Can you feel that?" And I couldn't feel anything. I asked Jake what he was doing and he was apparently squeezing my skin with something that looked like tweezers. Kinda crazy!
He had the baby out within a matter of minutes, but nicely enough since it wasn't an emergency. I felt some weight come out, Jake announced she was a girl and we were SHOCKED, and then they took her over to weigh her and clean her. I told Jake to follow that baby! He did and then Bart stayed with me to make sure I was still doing okay. At this point, the shaking started. I was trying to stay calm, and I felt more weight leave my body. I asked what it was and Dr. Rees said he had just removed the placenta. I said, "Save that! I want to eat it!" And he said, "I was just about to tell you that it looked like a really good lunch!" Haha he was awesome. Unfortunately I didn't get to see it - so many different things happened when we had to go for the C (like no delayed cord clamping or immediate skin to skin) but at that point, we didn't care. We had our baby out!
Jake brought the baby to me and I said, "She looks just like Lisette!" And then they took her away for more of the newborn procedures, but she was doing great. Everyone was talking about how chunky she was.
As he was sewing me up, I was beginning to just shake uncontrollably and I remember my chest felt really heavy. Bart began to put some heated blankets on me and then Dr. Rees finished and they moved me back to my bed and that's when I had to throw up. I told Bart and he yelled (kindly) at the nurses and they got me a barf bag. So sick - I hate throwing up! Once I was done, they wheeled us back into the room and Jake had gone to the nursery with the baby. I was shaking even harder and Bart just kept piling blankets on me and giving me more medicine for nausea. Literally all I remember is seeing him just keep putting a blanket on me and then tucking it under me. They were so warm.
Jake brought the baby back all swaddled up and I remember saying, "I can't hold her right now, I'll drop her!" Hahaha so mean, but I was just feeling like a lunatic. My body felt so incredibly weird. Then I was so tired and I was just trying to go to sleep. They shut my curtain and I eventually passed out and Jake was able to feed the baby was pasteurized human milk. Thank goodness for my mom and Tracey being with him (and with their McDonalds haha)
Luckily she took a bottle like a champ! But reflecting, I was pretty sad she didn't get a "real nip" for her first eating sesh ;) But it's totally fine - she nurses amazing now. After the birth, I woke up around 2:30 am and I was wide awake responding to everyone's texts. I still couldn't really move at all because of the staples and the drugs were still in full effect, but my nurse was amazing and kept helping me with things and handed me my phone, gave me medicine and water... And she just chatted with me a while and told me all that happened while I was asleep. Her name's Adalynn, for my memory. Amazing nurse.
Overall, it's definitely not we wanted but it's okay. It was still a really amazing couple of days and I'm so grateful my body went into labor on its own! I got to feel my water break, real contractions, and I got to see that I really could work through it. And then our little prize... She is amazing. They brought her in at 6:30 am and she nursed immediately with an awesome latch and we were in heaven.
The next couple of days/weeks were crazy hard, but that's a story for another blog post...
Our baby is here and we are so in love with her! She's the sweetest little cuddler, easy to soothe, a great eater, and becoming a great sleeper. Thank goodness she's finally here!
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