Ahhh.... Today was one of those days where school, homework, research, tests, motherhood, being a friend, and being a wife was just hard... And the day started out so promising!
I had to get about 4 hours of my research hours done by tonight at midnight, and I was trying to work them in around tending for June, but today was one of her needier days. Now she's asleep and I'm looking back on our day wondering if I was happy enough, if I showed her enough love, if we had enough fun together. I'm trying to find a happy medium of getting my schoolwork done to graduate and being a good (or great) mom.
Being a mother and a student is so hard. Mom guilt is real. When I drop her off with my friend's, I feel so sad that I even have to leave her for an hour and fifteen minutes. I wonder what she's doing, if she's happy or if she's sad, if she's hungry, if she misses her mom.
But then I also think, Okay what assignments do I need to turn in this week? What do I need to read?
In trying to find the happy medium between the two, I've tried to realize that these jobs are both amazing things. I'm lucky I'm a mother to such a cute and sweet little baby girl, and I'm also lucky that I get to be a student at BYU and finish up my education while being a mom, which I know not every mom gets to do. So, with that, I've just tried to make the best of getting things done when I can and putting things off when June needs me.
So far, four weeks in, it seems like our system is going well. There are days like today where needed research hours build up and I have to do it all after bed time, but next week we'll try again and be better. And soon enough, the semester will be over and it will just be June and me.
It's odd, because this time in my life is one of the happiest but also one of the most challenging times. I'm so lucky to have so much support from everyone around me regarding being a student and especially with being a mother. I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this!
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