motherhood / student balance

Ahhh.... Today was one of those days where school, homework, research, tests, motherhood, being a friend, and being a wife was just hard... And the day started out so promising!

I had to get about 4 hours of my research hours done by tonight at midnight, and I was trying to work them in around tending for June, but today was one of her needier days. Now she's asleep and I'm looking back on our day wondering if I was happy enough, if I showed her enough love, if we had enough fun together. I'm trying to find a happy medium of getting my schoolwork done to graduate and being a good (or great) mom.

Being a mother and a student is so hard. Mom guilt is real. When I drop her off with my friend's, I feel so sad that I even have to leave her for an hour and fifteen minutes. I wonder what she's doing, if she's happy or if she's sad, if she's hungry, if she misses her mom.

But then I also think, Okay what assignments do I need to turn in this week? What do I need to read?

In trying to find the happy medium between the two, I've tried to realize that these jobs are both amazing things. I'm lucky I'm a mother to such a cute and sweet little baby girl, and I'm also lucky that I get to be a student at BYU and finish up my education while being a mom, which I know not every mom gets to do. So, with that, I've just tried to make the best of getting things done when I can and putting things off when June needs me.

So far, four weeks in, it seems like our system is going well. There are days like today where needed research hours build up and I have to do it all after bed time, but next week we'll try again and be better. And soon enough, the semester will be over and it will just be June and me.

It's odd, because this time in my life is one of the happiest but also one of the most challenging times. I'm so lucky to have so much support from everyone around me regarding being a student and especially with being a mother. I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this!

JUNE SAID MAMA!

My baby girl said mama for the first time on the 24th and I was in shock!!

We were just hanging out at home, finishing up some homework. I was sitting at the dining room table while Jake was on the couch. June was crawling around, exploring the living room like she usually does. She likes to explore and play with her toys, but only for about 15 to 20 minutes. Once she's done, she's done. She becomes whiny until one of us picks her up and starts entertaining her a little more.

She started to get whiny and babbling. It sounded like she said mama but I thought noooo, she's too young and I don't try to get her to imitate me that often! But then she did it again and again and again. Jake said, "She's really saying it!" So honestly I let her be a little whiny and cry for a few seconds because I wanted to hear her say it again! 

I was smiling ear to ear. I don't think she knows what she's babbling, but it's so fun to hear her do the "M" sound, and of course, she does it with her tongue out :) As the next couple days have passed, I've noticed she only does it when she's whiny and wants to be picked up. She also will do it when she's crawling to get something, but it's a little farther than she anticipated. When I don't get her out of the car seat fast enough, she just goes mamamamama. Ah, it warms my heart! It's seriously the cutest thing. 

She's just babbling and talking so much more than she has been. Yesterday, I was working in our room while Jake had her out in the living room and I could just hear her saying, "Babaabababababa". You can just tell she's happy when she's babbling and chatting with someone. Our next mission is to get her to say dada! We are so excited she's learning so much, growing so fast, and showing us all her skills. 

Recent happenings

This week has been full of crazy surprises! June officially started crawling and is exploring more each day around the house. Tonight she wandered into the kitchen as we were making dinner and started putting her little arm around my ankle. With her new found mobility, she's also started to show how much of a mama's girl she is. She'll crawl to me wherever I am and whine the whole way over until I pick her up. And tonight, for the first time, she said MAMA! At first I thought, no, that's not what she said. But then she did it over and over again! I'm not sure she knows what it means, but I can't stop playing back the videos I have of her saying it. So far, it's only been when she's whining, but I'll take it!

We took these photos this past weekend when we were "location scouting" for our next family photos, haha. This is a little campground up Squaw Peak. The weather is quickly turning fall appropriate and we are loving it. For some reason it's so fun to dress babies in leggings and long sleeves. I'm just not ready for the snow - I'm hoping it goes easy on us again this year!

School is going well, but it's also stressful at times trying to get things done. Usually I have to wait until she's asleep at night or scramble to get things finished during naps, and I'm already ready for that to be over and be 100% mom, but I'm excited that I'll be graduating and finishing college. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

We're excited for fall because that means homemade apple juice AND homemade grape juice!!! Plus soup galore, pumpkin pie, and my Grandma's chex mix! As sad as I am to say bye to this amazing summer we had, I'm excited to experience June's first fall. Almost everything is better with a baby on your hip.

June is HALF A YEAR OLD!

How in the heck do I have a 6 month old?!!?! She is precious and sweet and everything good in the world . . . even when she knocks everything off the counters, grabs my pens and food out of my hands, and pees in our bed! Haha she really is the best thing that has ever happened to our family. We love her so much!

I was so sad to go to her 6 month appointment today. Although it's so great hearing that she's developing normally and see her growth on the growth chart, it's sad to see her get shots! And on top of that, she's starting to recognize when she's not with me and Jake and gets a little bit of stranger anxiety! She was just staring at the doctor like, "Why are you touching me?!" Then she, I swear, looked over at my as if to say, "Mom, aren't you going to pick me up?!" 

She did great on her shots. The medical assistant was MUCH more gentle this time around than the guy we had for her 4 month appointment. She still cried and got angry, but she sucked on her dum dum and nursed and then was happier. I was glad to see her smiling and crawling around when we got home, because I know those shots can sometimes make their little legs hurt! 

I swore she weight at least 20 lbs, bur she weighed in at 18 lbs and 3.5 oz! She moved up in percentiles on weight which was funny to see. She's a whopping 28 inches tall which is still in the 99% percentile which we are so shocked about. And it's also hard to believe she grew 2 inches these past couple months! We're glad she's growing and she's such a happy baby, something the medical assistant and the doctor both commented on. 

In other news, she still LOVES to stick her tongue out (all. the. time) and it's people's favorite thing to comment on. She's sitting up like a champ for minutes at a time. She's started to eat food with us, trying everything from spaghetti, white chili soup, peanut butter toast, french toast, bell peppers, and curry! She loves drinking water from her bottle (oops... guess that's how the obsession with bottles start, I may need to get her a sippy cup). She smiles all the time, especially at herself in the mirror. Still loves bath time and showering with us. Mostly still sleeps in our bed, but is great at taking naps in her crib (hallelujah)! Army crawls when she really wants something, and loves to rock back and forth on her hands and knees. Pinches and scratches like crazy even though I swear I trim her nails ALL THE TIME. Jake told me I looked like I own a cat because that's her favorite thing to do while she nurses. 

I could go on and on - she really is the best baby. Of course there are moments when I want to sell her to someone else, but other than that, she is such an amazing addition to our family. I'm so grateful for her and her presence in our lives and how she helps me see the world.  

TEXAS!

I got back last week from visiting my family in Texas! Jake stayed home in Utah to study for the MCAT so it was just me and June. It was so fun to visit because both my sisters were there and so was my mom! It was a whole family affair, which is rare now!

Lisette drove in from Kansas (yay!) and Amanda was in Dallas working. My mom made a "work trip" while we were there so we all got some good quality time together. Most of our days were spent just hanging out, eating mexican food, and catching up. You can never have too much tex-mex when you're there, because Utah doesn't have anything quite like Anamia's or Torchy's!

It was also really fun to see my sister Amanda because she's about to leave on a 9 month mission trip and won't see June until she's OVER A YEAR OLD and both me and lisette will be graduated from college - WHAAATT. So it was really sweet to be able to hang out with her for a little while.

I also got to catch up with two old middle school and high school friends, Abby and Brooke. They also have babies now around the same age so it was fun to meet up with them and chat about motherhood and our different experiences!

Plus it's always fun to see babies with other babies. How they interact at such a young age is so cute . . . Abby's baby Logan and June are only 9 days apart so they pretty much were staring at each other and touching each other's faces. But Brooke's baby is about 2 months younger than June so she looked like a monster compared to her! They were both laying on a blanket and June kept using Blakely's arm as a pulling system to get closer to her. She kept grabbing at her face and trying to chew on her binky clip. It was so funny but obnoxious at the same time. It will be so fun to visit them again then our kids can actually play together.

And now we're back in the real world. Ive started school, with some help from my AMAZING friends who are able to watch June during most of my classes, and we're just trying to finish up this school year (lol it's literally the first day) without dying. Wish me luck. And PLEASE BE GOOD JUNE.